That Floating Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the Television Letdowns of the Year.
Looking back, we reflect on the television offerings of the recent year, a selection of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from cringe-inducing sequels to confusingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Burdened with woeful scripts, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third series started, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator announced this would be the final season. It concluded on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was just way too on-the-nose. Still, viewers certainly had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?
All’s Fair
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’
But that was almost the smallest of this show's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The seemingly deliberate procession of cliches? Acting so bad they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this series again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Considering the restraining orders, abuse allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charming but flippant egotist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Of course we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of pure love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Shady characters meeting in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
Actually, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a little dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney rogues which felt a bit basic.
With Love, Meghan
Considering the extent to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into twee lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are compelled to concede that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue animated; a meme for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are obviously interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series chose not to say them. Instead, the experience was like consuming a marketing brochure. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.
The Game Show
It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.
Too Much
How does one follow a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of celebrity cameos involved felt icky.
The Sketch Show Return
Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the shrewd recruitment of gifted younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar irate mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lumbering from oddly jaunty, slightly mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.
Prime Target
We love the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about government agencies targeting – and killing off – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for explicit escapades as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was way more examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and absolutely no critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.
