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This year represents a full decade since the term “ghosting” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of disrespect. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive guide to the words Zoomers is using to navigate love, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's response is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits suggesting a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions affirm your decision to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that immediately shut down any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {